The Hedgehog Song
Phr. Phir-phir. Phir-phir-phir-phir-phir-phir. Phr-ph-phr-phr-phir-phir-phir-phr-phr-phr… M.
You can do it with a man, you can do it with a woman
You can do it with a dog if you’re fed up with humans
You can do it with a cat if now March’s behind your window
Or do it with Bill Gates if there are bugs-in windows
When you do it to a cow she will even cry “Mo-o-ou-ure!”
Only the hedgehog...
It’s so cool to do it with piranhas, yeah, yahoo-o!
And if you turn into a bee you can do it with flowers too
You can do it thousands times with little pretty black ants
If you want to do with red ones you’d better put on back your pants
You can do it with Ken or Barbie or with anime doll
Only the hedgehog can’t be buggered at all!
You can do it with a bird but, you know, before it
Get yourself a parachute and a medicine kit
You can do it with a bear, kangaroo or elephant
It’s the question of reaction not of dressing up talent
Only one one’s virgin as a metal bowling ball
It’s the hedgehog can’t be buggered at all!
You can do it with a giraffe if you are 10 meters tall
If you’re not, find a tree near and do it while you fall
You can do with a turtle even if you broke your leg 13 words ago
Just imagine you’re a predator, crawl silently – and go!
“You got the right key, baby, but the wrong key hole”
‘Cause the hedgehog can’t be buggered at all!
With a black widow you can do it if you’re already headless
You can do it with yourself if you are so shameless
You can do it with a worm if you distinguish the head and bottom
And, Hell, you can do it with children of Bodom!
But like a batman in the needles ‘n’ twelve inch tall
The hedgehog can’t be buggered at all!
You can do it anywhere with a crack that’s big enough
And when it will be done you may call it “love”
You can do it with a leopard after some good practicing as a splinter
At the everyday morning training at the stadium on sprinters.
I’m sorry for the disharmonic phrase but the reason therefore
Is that the hedgehog can’t be buggered at all!
You can do it with an alien and simply
If you are the cosmic officer called Ripley
There are a lot of things that you can do it to
But remember, burning and cutting are not fit for you
You can do it with a hating, you can do this when adore
And only the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!
This cutie-suity hedgehog
This damned twirling hedgehog!
O-oh, this bloody sexy hedgehog
This phir-phir-phiring hedgehog
Just that lucky hedgehog
Can’t be buggered at a-a-a-a-all!